You’re Fired!

I’m days late writing my blog for the first time in over a year. I’ve been contemplating whether I wanted to post what’s been bothering me to the 10^th power over the past few months.

At first I was upset but didn’t think too much about living with my aunt growing up. Even at 5 years old, I knew I would live a better life with her. As I got older, thinking back about having to do my own pony tails, dressing myself (corduroys in July) and having to hide food from you so that I ate in the morning, made the process much easier.

Then you had my little sister; fortunately another aunt was able to care for her straight out of the hospital. You don’t know her, you never did…

I spent most of my tween years convincing myself that the sexual abuse was all a bad dream I couldn’t forget, until I turned 12 and he asked me if I’d gotten my period yet during a summer visit. I think I died for a minute.

In the meantime you had my youngest sister. You “cared” for her for a couple of years until a third aunt came to the rescue. You don’t know her either.

We tried, I tried, did you?

Everything is supposed to be better now that we’re all grown, don’t need you for anything and you’re not “sick” anymore. “I can help you get on your feet”. I guess I took too long because you let him sell your house, the one thing you still had for yourself, but was too weak to stand up for yourself and keep.

At first I felt sorry for you, but then I realized while he rides around in a Mercedes, you didn’t make sure your daughters, my baby sisters, saw one red cent for tuition/ books. You’ve been promising them money forever. Well, that was the time and you missed it…again.

I haven’t spoken to you in a while because I can’t bear to partake in your pity parties anymore, or make up excuses for your lacking. Why do I feel like I’m wrong?! You and him are two peas in a pod, he gets it honest. I don’t know what hit me after all this time, outside of realizing you only care about yourself.

No, I didn’t forget and at first it didn’t even matter, DUDE I WAS 3!! YOU ATE MY CHEEZE DOODLES I HID FOR BREAKFAST!! Fuck it, I’m pissed..

Life As Of 2013…

On work…

“It is a working man who is the happy man. It is the idle man who is the miserable man.”- Benjamin Franklin

I’ll take bullshit for $800 Ben. I get what you’re saying, but I don’t buy lottery tickets for nothing, and no I’d never get bored. I love my job, I do, everything besides getting there by 9am, completing paperwork and having a boss, in that order. Honestly I can’t get away from working with all my babies. If it wasn’t a conflict of interest, I’d take half of them home with me. The connection built with them seems most rewarding for both parties, so if that’s considered work, then I guess I’m a happy man!

On finance…

“Under capitalism, man exploits man. Under communism, it’s just the opposite.”- John Galbraith

Simply put, whether you live in America or China, guinea pigs, grab your wheels and get to running. My financial goal for 2014 is to pay all my monthly expenses with one pay check. I’ve gotten better, but my spoiled American ego still wants more than what I need. I love watching “Extreme Cheapskate,” and no I don’t plan on wiping my booty with cloth then washing and reusing it instead of toilet paper, nor do I plan on dumpster diving for food, but it does make me more conscious about my spending habits. I’m doing better than last year Ha! That counts.

On family…

“In every conceivable manner the family is the link to our past, bridge to our future.’” – Alex Haley

I recently had a conversation with my cousins about family secrets we may have been too young to learn about as children and how these secrets can create generational deterioration. When you understand the origin of a situation it may not totally prevent you from having to be raised by your grandmother instead of your parents, or stop Uncle Ricky from smoking crack, or keep cousin Rochelle from being promiscuous, but understanding the origin of the situation can help you deal with some of the implications, in turn, allowing you to prepare for better. You don’t get to choose your family and lord knows I try to maintain good relationships but sometimes you learn to love them from a distance, even if it’s your mother. It’s not ok for people to continuously hurt you, neither is it ok for you to continue to live in that place of hurt.

On friends…

“A friend to all is a friend to none.” –Aristotle

Impossible is an opinion, but trying to be genuine and trying to please everyone seems impossible. With so many personality traits, wants, and needs, one would have to spread themselves pretty thin trying to please everyone, taking away from what’s necessary to maintaining genuine relationships. Someone will always be disappointed, and that’s ok! To the friends that I do have, I may not like you all the time, but because you’re still here, I love you.

On love…

“I was born with an enormous need for affection, and a terrible need to give it.” Audrey Hepburn

If you are not willing to make a fool of yourself for love, you are wasting your time. I’m not saying be naïve, lose yourself, or keep playing a defective game, I’m saying get on that bull horn and profess your love, let the front desk tease you for showing up at the apartment for the fifth day in a row with a milkshake at 12am… When you become your own biggest fan, it becomes easier to recognize another whole heart and give without the fear of rejection. Because it is mostly our life experience that shape our perspective, when all else fails, you end up falling in love with someone that you almost gave up on, again and again, someone who’s love doesn’t match the picture you have in your head, but in learning each other, somehow it becomes compatible, someone you want to roundhouse kick sometimes, but you end up holding them instead…Yes, life, it goes on…IN 2014!!!

Someone You Should Know- Eunique Jones Gibson

Eunique Jones Gibson
Because of Them We Can
“Artist, speaker, cultural architect, wife, mom, photographer, Delta, team natural”- (Instagram)

What began as a campaign for black history month quickly superseded the 28 days of February. By photographing child look- a-likes of African American icons and pairing them with quotes and facts about each icon, Eunique created a powerful collection of pint size recipes of knowledge.

Outside of being extremely cute, the more important message of “Because of them we can” is crucial for our youth to absorb, as many of them have no clue of who we are or where we’ve been as people. The mirror of fight, inspiration and motivation helps to create aspiration, which seems to have become a loss commodity among young African Americans. Although this is only my opinion, I recently visited a Philadelphia public high school where out of 800 students, only 22% were proficient in reading and only 18% were proficient in math. Enough said. While I think the merchandise is a bit pricey, especially for those that may need it most, it’s worth missing a couple meals in exchange for some food for thought lol. I have a calendar or two on my Christmas gift list!

Kudos to Eunique!- Becauseofthemwecan.com

First Year Anniversary… DOH!

This month is the first anniversary for my blog and while I feel like I should be writing about something exciting… I’m not. If you’ve read my blog, you would know that I am a foster parent, but for children that are forced to take medicine that most of them don’t need because they have been “diagnosed” with ADHD, ODD, conduct disorder, attachment disorder, and the list goes on… In a nutshell, some type of behavior and or mental health issues.

I’ll try to make this short. I’m currently preparing for my foster daughter, we’ll call her Tammy, to be replaced or removed from my home. I’ve cared for her for over a year and a half and had been contemplating for months about whether I should provide Permanent Legal Custody (PLC) for her, if needed. PLC is almost like adoption, but parental rights aren’t always terminated with PLC.

Over the past year and a half, Tammy has been suspended from school 18 times, still not sure how that was allowed without further action. (Philadelphia School District) Tammy has destroyed classrooms, fought teachers and other school staff, spit on officers, and carried to our local police district. Tammy never directly disrespected me. I appreciated that, especially given a very opposite history with previous foster parents. I told Tammy, as long as she was willing to work with me, I was prepared to work with her. She is 15, and needs to know the unfiltered truth. I couldn’t help with HER issues, alone.

During the past summer, I noticed that Tammy’s behaviors began to escalate and filter into our home, which was new. She began smoking weed, staying out overnight without notice, which all seemed like semi-normal teenage rebellion? But the disrespect became more blatant and more frequent. Everyone has limitations.

8:30 am on October 3rd, Tammy’s boyfriends’ cousin rang the door bell 2 seconds before I left for work. After a conversation with her, contemplating about PLC with Tammy jumped out the window. To say the least, I found out that Tammy makes me appear to be a pretty bad person, she was sneaking her boyfriend through my second floor bathroom window, yes he was scaling the back of my house at night, and yup! She’s pregnant! did I ever mention I don’t do mommy/baby placements? I put in my notice with the agency that same day.

For an agency that provided little to no support for Tammy or myself, I thought now that the shit hit the fan, they would try to make a right move. Nope, Nothing, thought wrong. In 3 days, my 30 day notice will expire, they still haven’t found another placement for her. I had to send an email stating that on the 31st day I will be taking her belongings to the agency because I’m not allowing her to stay past 30 days.

I know some may say, how can you be so cruel?? My response is, you give it a try. I did, and I gave everything I could! You can’t help everybody. While this placement didn’t work out, I still have high expectations for my girls, and continue to wish Tammy all the best with or without me. I don’t think she will receive what I have to say to her at this point, so I wrote her a poem. I plan to slip it in her luggage before she leaves…

32 Good Deeds

There’s always room for progress, and although I think birthdays are your special day and should be a celebration of your life, I decided to make sure I spend the rest of the year celebrating life through service. During my very normal and addictive ritual of morning scanning through Facebook, I came across a 22 year old who decided to spend the month of her birthday completing 22 acts of giving back. I was inspired to do the same!

Unfortunately but fortunately, next year I will be 32, beyond the days of our average calendar month, so I decided to do it a little differently. I tweaked the list a little…well changed it, and with the help of friends, “Lee” and “CT” personalized it. Each year I will spent the week of my birthday celebrating “me”…me, me, me lol… then my superego will kick in for the rest of the year with my acts of service/giving back coinciding with whatever age I turn. (at minimum) Got it?! So here’s the list we came up with from now until the week of my birthday.

1. Collect books, and donate them to a local elementary/middle school.
2. Call older family members to see if they need anything.
3. Hand out study guides to students (knowledge is power)
4. Volunteer with A.D.A.C. (local after school program)
5. Give a small bag of groceries to a homeless person.
6. Donate clothes to a shelter.
7. Send cards to friends I haven’t seen in a while.
8. Bring in a continental breakfast for co workers.
9. Pay for someone’s groceries in a store. (make sure it’s a pay week)
10. Offer a free hair do to a family member/friend.
11. Tip a grocery store bagger.
12. Compliment at least 5 people.
13. Repost promotions for friends/ family on social media.
14. Volunteer at a hospital.
15. Volunteer at a shelter.
16. Assist an elderly person/ volunteer at a nursing home.
17. Donate to charity.
18. Pick up trash….somewhere
19. Plant a tree.
20. Catch public transportation or carpool to work.
21. Take a home cooked meal to family.
22. Volunteer for charity walk.
23. Make a gift of appreciation for the administrative staff at work.
24. Take photos at an event and donate them to the organizer.
25. Mentor a young child or young adult.
26. Volunteer at a soup kitchen.
27. Offer to baby-sit a friend or family member’s child.
28. Cheer up a sick friend.
29. Collect and Donate toys to child welfare agency.
30. Collect unused toiletries/ clothing to a center for abused women.
31. Collect aluminum cans/bottles and donate the money to a needy friend/ family member.
32. Volunteer for habitat for humanity.

I’ll give an update during the week of my birthday, until then, “Praise is the way we say thanks” Love that song…

The Facts of Life

When I was 4, I was scared to death of the “Candyman,” so much so, I avoided staring to long in mirrors thinking he would sneak attack me.

In 1991 I was convinced I was going to be a Janet Jackson background dancer. I practiced in front of the television because I figured, if I can see them, then obviously they can see me. Yeah, I was 9…

Until I was about 12, I despised ruffled potato chips. According to my big cousin Michelle, ruffled potato chips are what caused stretch marks. Unfortunately I shared the unknowingly cruel joke with my young and very impressionable group of friends.

At 16, I thought I could choose my sexuality, so I had sex with a boy and girl, trying to judge by which felt better.

There may be some, but I don’t know anyone that walks into a genuine , committed relationship without the intent of it lasting forever. I thought my first love would be my only love…Until we broke up when I was 23, and I fell in love with another.

At the time these scenarios were my truths, except for Candyman, he still may be. Life has a way of making a liar out of you and your foolish and daffy thoughts. I don’t mind, I actually prefer it. it’s a reminder that I’m living, learning, unlearning, and relearning, and I’m grateful for that…for a limited time…lol, I kid!

“What you perceive, your observations, feelings, interpretations, are all your truth. Your truth is important, yet it is not truth.” – Linda Ellinor

Can You Spare Any Change?

“Be the change you want to see in the world”- Ghandi

So I had my first ever Tarot card reading last week, a life and opportunity reading, if I remember correctly. According to the cards, I must say my life isn’t to shabby at all, not that I thought it was anyway. I anxiously flipped each of the seven cards, and waited for their translations. It was all fun and games until the devil showed up…

Wide eyed and flat tailed, I thought my life was doomed. Luckily, in tarot “The Devil” represents change. Apparently, change was an obstacle for me? This was news to my ears, especially when I believe change is the one definite and consistent experience in life, whether its forced upon us or a natural occurrence. Life happens…

I said I’m human, not perfect. We all have flaws, I just never understood why people are content with their flaws, especially when they’re able to point them out. Why not work on changing them, not to worry, there would be more to come lol. Even worse people expect you to accept their flaws, along with their contentment with them! As if… Would you marry yourself? Would you hire your self? If you answered “no” to either question, get to working. We’ll never be perfect, we’ll never know all the answers, but if you can answer “yes” to these questions, its ok to take a walk in the park. 🙂

Alvin Toffler wrote “The illiterate of the twenty first century will not be those who cannot read or write but those who cannot learn, unlearn and relearn. I couldn’t agree more. How can you make progress in life without embracing change?

I’ve included The Robinson Model of Behavioral Change. This diagram illustrates progressive shifts in awareness, capability, and confidence during the process of change. We have to start somewhere.

Three Little Words

“In three words, I can sum up everything I’ve learned about life: It goes on” – Robert Frost

And on…and on…Until I realized I’m 31 years old an have been single since I was 24! The majority of my adult life. #awkwardblackgirl? I honestly don’t think so. Fortunately my life has kinda worked like human senses. If one is lacking, for example, vision, then your hearing and sense of touch compensates for the slacker. So while my love life has been trapped in a closet, other aspects of my life has steadily climbed and made it so that I almost forgot “that” part of my life was missing. My future only included “me” and it didn’t bother me. Life: It goes on…

Ironically, I blame most of my social life for creating the bubble I rolled around in. I had friends for everything, except for sex…scratch that, sometimes sex too! Traveling, partying, venting, crying, snuggling, awesome gifts, you name it, I had a friend(s) who provided, so yeah, life: It goes on…

But I turned 30 and met someone that painted a new picture of my future. I didn’t realize what I was missing until I found It… again. It had been so long since I felt that kind of love for someone. Im 31 now, although im still single, im in love with love. I’ve had plenty years of preparing myself for a future I didn’t even know I wanted until now. My friends have been the love I long for, and they’ve set the standards pretty high lol. Im thankful. Im ready. My picture now includes a two car garage 😀

With Icing on Top :)

You only turn 25 once, well 6 times for me. I love birthdays, or in my case, birth weeks. it’s a celebration of life, milestones and reflection. This year I took a week off work to celebrate, and decided to have a lil “staycation”. I wanted to make sure I had time to do what I love to do. As a foodie and a lover of friends and family, it was a given that I spent everyday indulging in both.

I think I ate out for five days straight. Everything from snow crab legs at Chickie and Pete’s to cobb salad at Chili’s, and everything in between. The highlight of my dining came from someone who unexpectedly sparked my interest. She effortlessly whizzed me around town and to a roof top bar on 5th and Chestnut, where we shared a couple drinks, laughs, and flirts. We ended up at an upscale restaurant on 2^nd and Walnut. It had been years since I had been so impressed, her style, her confidence, her words, her taste….in everything…She was a good different, I like different, but…

Anywho, I celebrated a “free” day. I had collected the gift cards and coupons from companies that I picked cotton for all year long anyways. It was my birthday, so I scanned my email and stalked my mailbox for reparations. I happily picked up my free undies and perfume from Victoria Secret and I got to pick out a free bottle of lotion from Aveda’s new aroma therapy line. My dear friend Cicely laced me with a free car wash and I think I had the best Qdoba ever, but it was because it was free too. “Free” magnifies good x 10.

My ex, who is now one of my very close friends and might I add, still one of THEE best gifters ever, sent me a voucher to a really relaxing spa on the square, among other things. If I had the monetary option to get a massage daily, ok, weekly, I would. Even with the surprise buttocks massage, leaving me feeling happily violated (if there is a such thing) I tend to fall asleep, like drool sleep, when the massage is good. I just know things went well if I can feel my blood rushing through my body, and I have what seems to be an uncontrollable smile.

I buy a gift for myself every year, why not? This year I had been plotting on a new computer. I found one better than what I was looking for and saved hundreds of dollars. To top things off , my cousin baked my favorite strawberry cake! Happy birthday to me!

I cleaned! What a gift right? Cleaning makes me feel good though…for some reason. Its one of my best coping mechanisms for managing stress and anger too. I cant function or think straight when my surroundings are a mess!

I am still blessed with all my senses, I checked. I enjoyed the sun, people watching and letting the homeless stick me up for money all day. 31 doesn’t get much better…or does it?

P.S. Thanks G-Bare for the pic! 🙂

20/20

On this day last year, April 30, 2012, I wrote about a very vivid dream I had that brought me to tears. I usually only write about dreams that I feel need translating. I always feel like my dreams are practice for real life. They are all over the place, challenging, and sometimes scary…Yup, real life.

I had spent the day cleaning and refreshing my new but pretty raggedy home. I’m not quite sure about what I was getting all dressed up for, but some random women whisked me away to have my make-up done by a well known make artist. I had 3 or 4 kids with me that I was watching. They belonged to Marsha Ambrosious, only she wasn’t Marsha Ambrosious, but a woman with a thick African Accent. She never came back to pick her kids up that night.

Unmoved by the recent family additions, It wasn’t until I got up to leave my bedroom that night that I realized all the renovations I had done, painting, cleaning etc was undone! It looked untouched and worse than when I moved in. Everything that I thought should have been there, wasn’t. To make matters worse, no one around me saw what I saw, everything looked finished to them. I burst into tears trying to explain to my cousin that something was wrong, but she couldn’t understand me …I kept screaming that the devil distorted my vision! I was crying so hard in my dream, I woke up wiping away tears! I couldn’t help but wonder if God was trying to tell me something…

Sharing is Caring

On work…

On finance…

On family…

On friends…

On love…

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring

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Sharing is Caring

Sharing is Caring