Category: Life

A Penny For My Thoughts

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I actually enjoy going fishing, although I won’t dare take the fish off the hook.
I’m addicted to avocados, ginger, popcorn and raisinets, the beach, resilience, The Sims, and laughter.
I laugh a lot, and no I’m not masking sadness, it’s how I kill my sadness.
I’m not afraid to say “I don’t know.”
There will be at least one person in my life, where if I disappeared, they will know what happened because they have sat even in the deepest seats of my thoughts. I can’t keep my own secrets and I don’t prefer to.
I daydream as much as an adult as I did as a child because sometimes reality sucks.
I’m kind of a hoarder, but in a Mr. Clean type of way, so you only know because I’m telling you. Contrary to my hoarding, I do so to give, and sometimes sell.
Sometimes I write stories backwards and read articles from the end to the beginning. It just works for me.
I judge books by the introduction. I don’t necessarily stop reading but I’m silently disappointed before even finishing the book…expectations.
I’ve dated a good bit but have only been in a few relationships. I’ve developed good friendships with my partners, which is probably why we are still good friends, except for one.
Sometimes I can burn your ear off with conversation but I also have an appreciation for a comfortable silence, which I’ve learned, can only be shared with people that trust you and are grateful with just your presence.
I’ve learned to observe and question with a curious mind and listen with an open heart.
Flowers are pretty, but I’d prefer chocolate covered fruit.
Working with children is my passion. “It’s easier to build strong children than it is to repair broken men”- Frederick Douglas. I love a good quote and this is one of my favorites.
Let me tell you how actually working with children is only about 30% of my work and 70% paperwork, emails and harassing other people for paperwork… Hate it.
I enjoy tuna sandwiches with jelly on the bread, fried fish and pound cake, bananas and eggs, and I can eat avocados with anything.
I can be selfish, sometimes I feel like I have to be or else I’d lose my sanity, so I won’t answer the phone… #guilty.
I would give an ex another chance but you only have one time to mess up my money. Financial security is important to me, so is love.
I always look for the light at the end of the tunnel. When I can see it, it encourages me too keep going.
I have cared for 7 foster daughters over the past 4 years. It’s never been a cake walk but I am truly grateful for what I’ve learned from them. They’ve taught me that loving someone is not about meeting your own needs. I’ve learned patience… PATIENCE.
I’m a morning person because it’s when my brain works best. I can think clearly before the day muddles my mind.
I have to sleep with socks on when I sleep alone. My feet are always cold.
Before I knew any better, I enjoyed politics. I think most of us begin with good intentions, but politicking all too often has a way of polluting the soul.
Sometimes I watch or think about something that I know will make me sad because I need a good cry. I always feel cleansed after a good cry.
One of the biggest lessons I have learned within the past year and has been so beneficial to me this year is objectivity; to see things as they are without our own mental nodes, bias, and prejudice. It has opened so many lanes of communication and learning experiences. It has also decreased my stress levels… believe it or not, my nerves are bad, and that’s why I can’t stand chaos. FIN

Misunderstood

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Dare to be different, but don’t dare to be different. It’s like that these days… Everyone wants to be the same kind of different. We’re all trying to achieve this certain mentality according to societal standards which is the first step to self-destruction. Imitation truly is suicide, as Emerson once said. It’s ironic because you have so many people trying to emulate the same character, yet aren’t even the least bit sure of who they are as an individual. Most of the time people can’t even begin to grasp the concept of individuality let alone find themselves, but our biggest fear is not being ideal. We seek validation from society, so that means Facebook, Instagram, Twitter etc. You don’t even realize that you’ve just thought, “Hey, let me let everyone know what i’m doing.” But if you did, im sure you’d begin to estimate the impact of Instagram and Twitter.
Society tells you to buy this and look this way and to have this and to want that, and it’s executed so successfully that we don’t even realize we’re conformists. I’ve been told that i’m both weird and boring because I deleted my social networks, but that’s not the point. The point is if more people started doing it, it wouldn’t be either of those things, because the masses carry more weight than just me alone. That’s natural, yet terrifying. Every being has a distinct set of circumstances compared to the next person. And we all can’t be the same type of different. Period.  Mental integrity is very uncommon these days. And it’s never something you’re just born with, and isn’t something everyone gets.

Cant Promise I Wont Break the Rules

“Learn the rules so you know how to break them properly”- Dalai Lama

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I can remember as early as 4 years old, my cousins and I were not able to use the oven of course. We shouldn’t have been so close to the kerosene heater either. However it was out in the open to heat our house, so what else would we use to satisfy our cravings for cookies? The kerosene heater, yes, we set foil on top of the heater and baked cookies! At 4 I probably didn’t recognize the taste of kerosene over cookies. Fortunately, the house didn’t catch fire, we didn’t catch fire, and the cookies were awesome from what I remember.

*Don’t try that at home*

Even just a few years later, instead of using the stove we learned to just run the water really hot so that we could still enjoy our oatmeal, when there were no adults around to make it for us.
I was in the 5th grade when my cousin and I decided that it was a good idea for me to come to her school and get her out with an early dismissal. She was in the 4th grade. I don’t even remember how I got past the office and to her classroom alone, but I did. There I was standing in front of her teacher, who I remember looking a lot like Bill Nye the Science Guy. I was probably about 4’11” and had different color barrettes and ballies in my hair…

“I’m here to pick up Chanell ******.”

Surprisingly he let her go (early 90’s) but I frowned when I saw the jeering smirk on his face because I meant business!

Well this phenomenon has lasted well into my adult years. Even as I have flipped through the pages of my partner’s journal….Face palm… I certainly found what I was looking for. I’ve learned to find exceptions to the rule in order to get what I want and to live how I’d prefer to live. I know why rules exist, and I don’t just go around looking for rules to break but there will not always be a more appropriate time and place for integrity, empathy, honesty, security, authenticity, morality…the list goes on and those necessities in life aren’t always found on our full plate of rules.