-Betty Boop, 35

November 15, 2015

I have always considered myself a truthful  person. In retrospect, I’m thinking what does that even mean?!?! Does that mean I NEVER told a lie…Or I Never told an intentional, hurtful lie…? Or maybe that means I tell blunt truths to avoid a lie. It doesn’t really matter anyway because as of today… I have lied. I told this little teeny weeny lie that has now spun ridiculously out of control, almost to the point that I am living a completely double life. The two lives separately are as true as the morning sun when it graces your face for the first time after a restful night. So here is the lie…I am NOT madly in love with two people! BOOM! I said it. Now it’s out there! I cannot take it back and frankly, I don’t want to. That is the honest truth. I have been keeping these thoughts to myself until now.

He, Clayton, texted me this morning at 8:36 am. It was strange because he’s not a morning person. My husband, Robert, was still sleeping next to me, so I didn’t read the message. I smiled knowing that I was his first thought when he woke up. I looked over at my husband and I must have been smiling really hard because he started to smile at me. “Good morning beautiful” he whispered, and I got happier because he pulled me close. I thought in my mind, “How can my heart love two men?” I think about Robert and Clayton as if they are one. At any given time I can be looking at either of them and not be sure which one I am speaking to. However, Clayton, well… he is my first love. I swear when Jazmine Sullivan wrote “in love with another man” she was talking about Clayton and I. We have this magic between us that is very hard to capture into words. I can’t for the life of me explain it. But anyway Clayton wanted to meet me this night, so I told him, what I always tell him…Yes. My Sunday was normal. Church. Movies. Mall. Then on the way home I stopped at our spot and met up with him. He needed one of his note books that he left in my car from the last time we met up. I promised myself that I was going to give him the book, polite candor, and then leave. THAT was it! Unfortunately, that was nowhere close to what happened. I saw him, that chocolate skin, those brown eyes, and those lips! UGH!!!! He was sitting in the chair like a King on his thrown. The way his eyes light up when he sees me is so genuine. He smiles so broadly. He always greets me with a hug, and waits until I let go before he does. I sat down in front of him. The coffee shop was busy for a late Sunday evening, but in my mind nobody was there but Clayton and myself. I must have let him say about 5 or 6 words before I leaned in and kissed him.